The First step with all problems is realizing that you have a problem. I think that the reason that the butterfly project hasn’t worked for me is because I haven’t realized and actually admitted that I have a problem. So this is me admitting that I have a problem.
I’m not sure why I’m into self harm. I know that the ones that have read my blog know that I used to cut but before that I was anorexic. I guess that I traded one self harming thing for another. The sad part is that I don’t even know what started this roller coaster. I started self harm so long ago that compared to now I wonder what made me start to hurt myself. Some people say that It’s a way of exercising control. That is very possible, There were a lot of things out of control in my life at that time.
I encourage you to admit that you have a problem. Write it out, talk to some one but somehow some way admit that you have a problem. If you write it out please send it in so I can post it here. You can send it as anonymous, I don’t care I just want to know and I want other people to know that they aren’t alone.
1) Meditation - If you’re thinking meditation means twisting your body into an uncomfortable position and uttering “oohs” and “omms” for an hour, guess again. Any repetitive action can be a source of meditation. This includes walking, swimming, painting, knitting — any activity that helps…
Sorry I have been nonexistent these last few months. I’ve just didn’t want to face you guys. I am so ashamed that I fell off the wagon and cut. I hope that you peeps can forgive me and that we can get back to doing butterflies and finding a way to get threw this and maybe live a lil while longer. I guess I’ll start doing my video blog again if u peeps want me to.
You know what sucks the most? When you haven’t done something in 15 weeks because you swore to yourself and all of you loved one that you would. Then without thinking about it you just do it.
I thought that I could quite cold turkey and everything. I even started to believe that I really could do it. I guess I was wrong. And even now I’m too chicken shit to tell my loved ones what I’ve done. For those people who actually tell their love ones when they’ve fallen they are stronger and braver than anyone ever gives them credit for….
I’m not even sure why I cut. All I know is that I did and once the high wore off I felt really bad. I felt ugly and worse than I have for a long time. I have no reason to do it. I had no reason for falling back on it but I did and now I’m ashamed of myself. I know that I will be too chicken shit to tell anyone what I’ve done. That I can live with but the fact that I actually did it is hard to live with. I will live with the choice that I made but I will not and am not proud of what I did and I’m not sure that I can forgive myself for breaking my word. I personally believe that the only thing we have in this world is out word and I just broke that.